partaking…


needed to writ for the past two days, but have been so unsure of myself… I am trying to just hunker down and get things done around the homestead…. trying to avoid much human contact out side of the Little’s and Mr… All in all it is fine… I woke up today with a little extra energy… just enough to complete 3 miles walking with my lovely sis… I wanted to tell her I was trying to challenge myself with this non-drinking thing, but I am not ready to… I feel like there are a few people, like her and maybe my co-workers that wouldn’t necessarily NOT believe me, or support me.. But if I have a Fuck up moment.. She/they would be the first id disappoint..

When I read that back Im like WTF? ‘This is why you haven’t been writing.. It is not anyone but you that you have to be up front and Honest with and you have always had a problem doing so.. ”  I do not need to care what anyone’s opinion is.. nor do I even have to give an excuse or reason why I will not be partaking..

I will not be partaking in any cocktail hours, or summer bashes.. I will be partaking in life..

maybe I should write myself a list in ways I will do so..

1. Wake up and partake in the day with a clear mind… (someone was right in that between day 7/8 the fog starts to lift..)

2. Partake in things with the Little’s that I stopped… (this is the most difficult to admit to..When hanging out with them in the evening there is no need to drink..)

3.  Partake in loving myself a little more each day..  (another difficult thing for me… It has been a long time since I can even remember doing things for me without negative self talk..)

Ill leave it at this for now.. a little at a time.. right now it is my time.. for me and my Little’s.. they deserve there Mom happy and Healthy..

be now in the moment….

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One thought on “partaking…

  1. You’ll learn…
    Haven’t read any further, yet so I don’t know if you’ve tried AA.
    They will love you until you can love yourself.
    You’ll find honesty there.
    Try and stay in the day.

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