Oh for the jaw clench of it all…


I can’t seem to relax my jaw… I want to beam with smiles and laughter, but I feel pure pressure in that whole area.. I hold it tight as to not say something ill regret, scream at kids that just are being kids.. I hold it clenched because I feel stress, I’m mad sad and resentful.. Nope, I can’t drink.. I am so done fucking up my life any further.. But it makes me mad that I shouldn’t, can’t wont… I grind the old wisdoms because I can’t wait for happiness now.. I hold my jaw for my littles, so they dont see my pain and fear, they deserve the world.. For my marriage to feel like its supposed to, not two separate entities.. I bite down because I’m holding back tears, that may ate any moment of the day come falling out, this fucking sucks.. I don’t cry.. I’m lying.. I’ve always cried, that is my defense mechanism, for every fucking thing… So yeah, I’m holding it back clenching my teeth… My jaw..
I know this is a moment..
I know I am emerging as a new me.. It is clear I have lots to learn and lots of hours, and ups and downs..
For now today my jaw remains clenched….
Lex

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