Its a new dawn its a new day its a new life….


for me and im feeling……erk wlahhh yehsh… good? I know this is a life long adventure that I am about to embark on.. I will fuck up.. I will self hate, self love self destruct.. I will make it thru it all and belly up.. (no not the bar) I will stand tall, I will love myself for my hardships and mistakes and triumphs and happiness.. I will love my family like they deserve and take them under my wings and coax these girls to be strong and independent and able women that can do anything they set their minds to.. I will set my standards high… I have every right to.. I deserve the best in life as well.. I can do anything I set my mind to.. I need not hold on the mistakes I make or others around me.. It only matters what I do and my daughters do.. I have room in my heart and soul to be the best wife I can be with respect in return.. I will treat my husband with the respect and dignity he deserves… I will pray for him, and us that we make it thru this sick and twisty time.. I love him, but I cannot love him to death or change him by any means.. I can change me.. I can be the best me to my ability… I can glow from within… and show my self, daughters and husband who I truly deserve to be..

I should be feeling great.. I will be feeling great.. I need to get past this hump and bump to get back to my place of peace.. I am mad.. mad that I even have to struggle like this.. I want to be free of the fucking wolf that holds on to my soul…. I hate him.. I hate drinking.. that first sip i know im in it for the long haul… I know I cannot just have one or two without craving obsessing for more.. the whole fucking 3 bottles of wine.. or untill the night is black and i dont recall a thing… I will find my peace.. I will be the NEW ME… I have no reason to hang on to that old girl… she is lonely and sad and full of regret and terribly hungover not getting shit done… I hate her… I love her… I will pray fro her… I will make sure she makes it out of this fire unscathed…

I now will take it one day each day.. only one day at a time.. I cannot put all these laundry lists of health and non drinking and exercising and organizing.. I need to take it for the moment.. today, I will NOT DRINK>>…. that is good enough for today, yes?  I wont drink, I will snuggle my gals and glitter rocks and clothes pins with them because that is all i have for today…

Love

Peace

sober….???

leXImage

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3 thoughts on “Its a new dawn its a new day its a new life….

  1. Hey there – thanks for sharing your story. You can do this. I’m in your corner, and it sounds like you’re in your own corner too. If you ever want an email lifeline, you are welcome to send me a note, and I will be support you however I can. I have no idea if I’m going to drink tomorrow, but for today I can be your sober support. Flaky? Nah – just real. Stay your course. Sounds like those little girls are pretty big inspiration. hugs to you.

    • I ink I was setting the goal to big.. I need to scale down.. I am just a flakey.. It makes it easier to not put such pressure on your self.. I can be my best friend and worst enemy… Thank you thank you thank you…

      • The first days/weeks are super, super tough. I don’t remember them exactly (sometimes it’s tough to remember what I had for breakfast yesterday? :)) but I do remember I obsessed about drinking. I was pissed off I told myself I couldn’t drink. I was pissed off I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I was pissed off I didn’t have my best buddy (wine) to come home to. Some things that helped….. bad tv, good chick flicks, sober blogs, going to bed early, getting up early hangover free, being pissed off, ice cream, chocolate, sushi, more yoga, and then some more yoga, reading Drinking, A Love Story, the 100 Day challenge, trying some meetings (which weren’t for me) did I mention being pissed off? And then…. wolfie settled down a bit. I still get pissed off (not very much though) and I still watch bad TV (Law & Order SVU is my comfort show) I guess what I’m trying to say is it does get better. WAAAAAAAAYYYY better. For every step I take and took without wine, I got stronger. Now….. as previously stated – not saying I won’t drink again, but today – nope. you’re welcome…. you’re welcome. Your babies will grow up before you know it – (mine have) something to think about. more hugs. tfay

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