Food for thought… And running aWay..


I stepped out of my reality and took my 3 littles away for 10 days.. Just me them and some safe sober loving people and a seriously beautiful setting in the middle of nowhere.. I am taking a break from some harsh and codependent conditions.. This I know is a temporary fix for a life long journey of mine, but I have to really start looking within my heart of hearts and learn to love and be kind to me.. It starts with me.. I am the solid ground for these small ladies to fall upon and feel ok with.. I cannot be in a toxic spot at home and continue to hot the bottle the second shit gets hard or real… And when the person closest to me is unable to be supportive to my well being and unable to deal with personal problems it is a reality check/slap in the face for me…
What the fuck am I doing? Loosing my morals and strength and self love like that… All wrapped up in bullshit toxicity like so…
More reality checks..
I cannot drink…
I have a mad wolf in my brain trying to get me to.. Fuck you Wolfie… You need to be thrown out with the bath water…
This is my sobriety..
This is my health, well being, my children, home, and career…no one but me can make this happen and work…
Self doubt is ok and natural.. But ignore this hell on earth I make for myself..

Been listening to this Audible book over the past two days.. Opening my eyes a bit wider.. I have a lot of hard work cut out for me.. But I have made an agreement with myself to start small.. And forgive myself when at all possible.. I am over a huge hump, but I see all the hurdles in my future.. I start with being impeccable with my word… My words are all that matter..
I am sober today….
I crave it… But I will not drink today…..

Lex

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