Ok… So running errands and what ever else I was up to this morning I was going over some major life events in my head I did either Redunk Hungover or Buzzed or just plain drunky drunk.. And I was ashamed, annoyed, amused and embarrassed.. It is my #rd daughters 3rd birthday this weekend, and thought how happy I am to throw it sober, un-hung and anything in between.. I will enjoy every morsel of food, and precious face at the bash, as well as the magical faces of my children without any sort of booze goggle on!!
So I thought Id put it down so when I think I will pick up my XXL Goblet and fill it to the top, I can look at this list and say FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!
1. Most Birthdays for my children..
2. My first daughters baptism, and my vows in church.. I was so hungover, I am not sure how I made it thru the 3 hours of very Traditional vows and services.. That was awful..
3. My birthdays.. I cannot remember a birthday in the past 15 years I was not intoxicated.. and felt like supreme shit the next day.. I want to play, eat, dance and adventure on my next bday.. not act like a drunkin fool twisting my ankle having 3 men to drag me out of the bar.. (this happened 2 years ago, and I was traveling to NYC the next week and had to wear an ace bandage and boots because I fucked it up so much..)
4. My trade convention.. These things are chock full of education and inspiration and wonderful things that I love.. And in the 14 years doing my job, we drink the second we get there till the 2nd day we leave… (4 years ago I got so drunk a week before, I fell and cracked my face on a stump.. Yes I DID> and had a terrible black eye and looked like a battered wife).. Shit.. I went with all my glamorous coworkers and businesses people looking like this.. and continued to drink my face away.. what the hell?? (my tummy is sick when I write this one…)
5. HOLIDAYS WITH MY FAMILY: this should be interesting.. we all gather at a family members house for a long weekend or even a week sometimes and go thru cases and cases of wine beer and booze.. What am I teaching my children? I cannot imagine my little gals growing up and behaving like this.. Most nights end with a tantrum or fight or just bawling idiots.. come on.. this year I’m keeping Holiday time to a minimum.. they are are a huge trigger for me so My boundaries are being put up as we speak…
6. any Music venue.. OMG tuesday was my first sober concert and I had so much fun.. was moved to tears and inspiration.. I love music, it is in my soul, and since like 16 or so always needed to attend fucked up some way or another.. once at a NIN concert I got so hammered I left my group and went potty during the first song, got lost and it took me an hour to find the vehicle we came in and passed out.. cold.. Anything could have happened.. what a dumb idea.. I look forward to attend musical events SOBER and share this love and passion with my daughters.. what an idea;)
Ok.. so this is good.. I have so many more.. but I am sweating and sick to my stomach.. This is good therapy.. I push these things into the back of my brain with the booze for so long its like its all a dream.. today.. I am sober 6 days.. and look forward to this lovely sober celebration weekend..