12 days that took 3 months..


Looking back, I thought I was ready to give this whole sober thing a try 3 months ago.. I had the whole summer ahead, my darling daughters at home and the future so bright.. What the heck took me so long?
I was not ready to be honest with myself.. I still struggle with it, but now I can say I am an alcoholic.
I was scared of the “real” un-buzzy me.. Still am.. I am now prepared to deal with issues that I tossed in the booze filled fire for so long.. Anxiety and maj depression..
I didn’t want to fuck up things in my marriage.. Well obvy I was fucking things up in my marriage I am now looking at this thru sober clear eyes, and I didn’t want to make Mr uncomfortable.. I forgot the missing piece.. This is all about me and my health and sobriety.. He has his own problem, I cannot fix or change him.. This is all about me, I need comfort in my healing..
Lastly for now, what and who in their right mind who have known me as Party Mama for the past 20 years would believe me or support me I being sober.. I see now again I need to loose that stigma the reputation if you will and shelter myself from those that all I had in common with is da booze.. I am starting fresh, and those that are closest to me will stick by the other party people will fade away.. I cannot submit my fresh new sober self to any of the toxic behavior .. Ill loose some people, I’m tots prepared.. But I’m gaining a new me..
Yes folks, I only have made it 12 days.. But this 12 days I fucking deserve and worked hard for.. I’m so ready fo 12 x 12,000,000 more…
Love
Sunshine
And other gushy stuff..
Lex

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4 thoughts on “12 days that took 3 months..

  1. Congratulations! It’s not “only 12 days” – it’s “12 days! Woo hoo!” šŸ™‚ Counting the days can be overwhelming at times. I suggest using it as a way to encourage yourself, but not to give it much more power than that. Way to go!

  2. You, my dear, are a fucking rock star! I know exactly how you feel – after a few false starts, it finally feels “real.” I’m glad it’s feeling real for you. And you know what? I’ve distanced myself from some people, I’ve had several people try to convince me that I’m not really an alcoholic, and I’ve felt bored WAY too many times. But it is pretty fucking cool to really experience life without the bullshit, don’t you think?

    And as far as your hubs goes, you’re doing the right thing. Taking care of you is first priority. In fact, that’s really all you can do – I’ve learned my lesson. I can’t change my hubby, no matter how much I want to. I just try to do the best I can for my family, and hope that the rest of it falls into place eventually, or I will deal with it when it becomes an issue.

    Sending you a big sober hug!

  3. My first 30 days took me three months. The second time around, my first 30 days had taken me about eight months. By the time I had a year in AA/sobriety, I had four months sober.

    It goes in fits and starts, and we all do the same thing. Don’t give up.

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