I woke up today for the first time that I can remember rested and happy.. Immediately I smiled when I realized tomorrow will be the end of my second complete week SOBER… I felt excited like the first day of school excited.. So I decided to share with my Husbs how wonderful I feel waking up daily without a hangover and the energy I feel from that …. I told him how excited I was to be sober for 2 straight weeks and the get up and go I had to be physically active out side walking or working out, playing with the gals, taking them to school unHung.. I was glowing (or so I thought in my bedheaded head)… He barely had a reaction.. A blank look.. So I repeated my self as if he couldn’t hear.. And than a dirty look… and his reply “You know I have been trying to not drink with you, and I feel Worse not drinking, like shit actually.. I don’t see any point in this.” He put his shoes on and left..
kind of a let down? Well yes and no.. I am sad he cannot see past his own shit to tell me “good job” or “I love you”.. I feel like my relationship is at a stand still.. this makes me lonely.. on the other hand.. I am working so fucking hard at making this my own SHIT and taking care of me, I just have to feel sad and lonely for him…
I know this is my journey.. I cannot change a single soul on this earth (except the 9,000,000 diapers I have changed;) I can only make my self fell comfortable and happy…
But a question.. When will this feel perfectly ok to do.. take care of me, even if my significant other has no interest or thoughts that there is anything to take care of in the first place.. Is there a switch? Will I wake up numb one day to his shit? Kinda scary.. Kinda sad..
But mostly.. I am kinda proud of myself… that is what is important for now..
I made it.. I am not stopping.. I dont drink on Friday nights anymore.. My Husband lost his drinking partner.. I gained a whole new fucking perspective on my life.. I am going to live..