looking for love in all the wrong places… and I feel good?


I woke up today for the first time that I can remember rested and happy.. Immediately I smiled when I realized tomorrow will be the end of my second complete week SOBER…  I felt excited like the first day of school excited.. So I decided to share with my Husbs how wonderful I feel waking up daily without a hangover and the energy I feel from that …. I told him how excited I was to be sober for 2 straight weeks and the get up and go I had to be physically active out side walking or working out, playing with the gals, taking them to school unHung.. I was glowing (or so I thought in my bedheaded head)… He barely had a reaction.. A blank look.. So I repeated my self as if he couldn’t hear.. And than a dirty look… and his reply “You know I have been trying to not drink with you, and I feel Worse not drinking, like shit actually..  I don’t see any point in this.” He put his shoes on and left..

Damn

kind of a let down? Well yes and no.. I am sad he cannot see past his own shit to tell me “good job” or “I love you”.. I feel like my relationship is at a stand still.. this makes me lonely..  on the other hand.. I am working so fucking hard at making this my own SHIT and taking care of me, I just have to feel sad and lonely for him…

I know this is my journey.. I cannot change a single soul on this earth (except the 9,000,000 diapers I have changed;)  I can only make my self fell comfortable and happy…

But a question.. When will this feel perfectly ok to do.. take care of me, even if my significant other has no interest or thoughts that there is anything to take care of in the first place.. Is there a switch? Will I wake up numb one day to his shit?  Kinda scary.. Kinda sad..

But mostly.. I am kinda proud of myself… that is what is important for now..

I made it.. I am not stopping.. I dont drink on Friday nights anymore.. My Husband lost his drinking partner.. I gained a whole new fucking perspective on my life.. I am going to live..

sober

Lex

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6 thoughts on “looking for love in all the wrong places… and I feel good?

  1. Okay – so I sound like a callous jerk – I love the fact that you’re basking in the glow of sobriety! Seriously, how cool is that?? But I’m bummed about the difficulties you’re facing in your marriage. I’d assume that he is threatened because you are evolving and you are “leaving him behind” (not really, but that might be how he sees it). He’s not ready to make a change, and probably resents the fact that you are doing this for YOU. But keep it up – maybe you will see a change in him, and if you don’t, isn’t YOU being sober still so much better than both of you drinking? I’m sure your kiddies will appreciate (and DO appreciate) it:) xo

  2. I also love that I can read somebody’s wonderful feeling on two weeks sobriety. I can’t wait to be where you are. Bask away my friend! It is your turn to take care of yourself so….. you can be a better mother to your kiddies and they will only remember that…. A happy fulfilled person who is being a great roll model. Keep going. Don’t let what your husband said spoil your new feeling of freedom. He may come around and he may not but you are doing it!

  3. What a great feeling! I remember mine, it was so exhilarating! Woot woot I am so happy for you! And I am sorry about your hubs, that’s a tough one. Hopefully you keep going and some of that exhilaration will rub off on him! But you keep going, they do say that recovery has to be selfish at times, and we have to put it first, although I wish there was a switch myself! Lol!

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