Woke up today and couldnt remember how many sober mornings had gone by.. I was tired, a little crabby, but historically I have never been a morning person.. Today no differnent, but I am sober.. No head/gut wrenching hangover to speak of.. No self pitty or loathing or terrible self mental abuse.. I honestly just wanted to sleep instead of getting the Littles ready and fed and dressed and out the door.. I did it.. I did it all sober.. and I didn’t yell or throw up or walk around in a buzzy fuzzy stupor.. I just was their Mother.. I redirected #2 as usual when she forgets she is finding her shoes, I helped #3 change 4 times, and I marveled #1 as to how type A and organized and prepared she is..
Yes.. I am doing it.. I am feeling different.. Wonder if I have put this in any past posts.. how “different” this time is… well not important.. Today I see I have rearranged some patterns and sober tools to my advantage.. So my listy of newfangled ways.. or something of the sort..
I have been not watching the days like I have been. I am trying to approach this time around a little different..
-I am letting things go a little bit, normally I am an ocd wacko cleaner/organizer.. and the disappointment in this is I live with 3 children and one adult child that do not care weather the laundry is done or the counter is clear.. I come home from work most times so irritated and disappointed that they trash everything I get anxious and irritated and resentful and mean and, you see where I am going here? I am trying to chill.. take care of me.. and things are falling into place, and If I need help I ask Mr..(who by the way sent me a photo of himself yesterday dumping out his jug of vodka and to my surprise admitted to me last night he as a problem)
-I am not taking any bull shit from him.. If he wants to jump on my super shiney sober bandwagon, by all means.. but I have to do this for me, not him.. and in reality not for my children.. for me so I can be the best mommy .. (in the past 4 months he and his drinking and plain fucking up awake my Wolfie, I am done doing that)
– Treats.. you know the rest of that story..