Choosing life, and it’s ok…

Day three… I woke up today feeling like I wanted to stay in bed and sleep the day away, but alas I have 9million things I need to be present for today… Alcohol makes everything worse.. The trick my mind played on me was I’d feel less sad, mad, upset, confused if I just had a little wine.. And you don’t know me per say, but my one drink of wine is the entire bottle, and probably a few more vodkas to top it off.. It is not fun.. I am not healthy for my children… I am more sad, lonely, etc….
I have still to engine my spark, my passion, my future… This shit will kill what is left of me, and I want to live…

16 thoughts on “Choosing life, and it’s ok…

  1. I know how it is. We all do. If we could just avoid that first glass….that’s the key.
    I can never stop after one.

    Record your feelings for today. how tired you are, how you just want to escape, how you feel awful and guilty. Engrain it on your brain. Make your day into a mental movie. Replay it all day tomorrow. Replay it in your head because you don’t want to have another day like it. Replay it when you get the urge. Wait the urge out.

    Easy to say, I know. But give it a try. There’s always a first time. And with practice, it gets better.

    Take care!

  2. I’ve been reading This Is How by Augusten Burroughs. Lots of short chapters on various topics. Two that rang true for me, How to Finish Your Drink and the one that precedes it, I can’t remember the title. I’m sure it isn’t a popular view to quitting alcohol or anything else but its the truth. He also addresses obsessions.

  3. I am truly understanding the phrase, One Day at a Time. I believe I am finding my spark a tiny bit each day. You will too, just don’t drink today. This journey is a lifestyle and a long one and we can do it together!

  4. I’m rooting for you. I have tried and failed at sobriety many many times. Each time taught me something valuable about either myself or alcohol (or both). It truly is cunning, baffling, and powerful. You can do this! It won’t be easy, but it WILL be worth it. I’m only on day 28, but I have to believe this for both you and me 🙂

  5. Oh for goodness sake, get a grip, you have three young children relying on you. Your husband sounds like a total waste of space so you have no alternative but to be in charge (did you know he was an arse when you married him)? Lexi, you are a mum … you just cannot afford not to be sober. You need help to look after your girls if you and your husband are incapable of … social services, really???

  6. I belong to the family that says we choose drink. Some people believe that drink chooses them ..losers, what a sorry excuse. Did cigarettes choose me and am I now a cigaraholic now that I’ve stopped … fighting every day for something I’m missing or being glad that I don’t need to smoke? I’m hoping to be able to do the same with the wine in the evening now !!!

    Lexie, stay strong and don’t bullshit yourself x

  7. Choosing life is the way to keep telling yourself you can make it through this one more day….and on! Positive thinking is an amazing tool we can keep using…one we as drinkers and self-doubters, self-haters, self-bashers need to do more of. Love, cherish and speak kindly to yourself…you deserve it. You can do it!!

  8. You are not alone! I have spent much of this year sober, and have felt amazing! I even made it seven months straight, so I know how incredibly frustrating it all is for you! By the way, I’m on day 4! Insert sad disappointing face here! My husband came in from work and said he had a surprise for me! It was a bottle of Malbec. I said husband, I told you I’m not drinking, and he said, “oh I’m sorry, I thought you were again!” Heaven help me! Keep on trying! We’re gonna make it!

  9. I believe that I can understand and relate. For me, one was one too many and one more was never enough. Keep communicating and loving. I wish you nothing but the best.

  10. I think a lot of my journey has been accepting that wine does not make it better. And, worse, what WILL? Sometimes, nothing will. You’re not going to feel better–I’m not going to feel better. And that just sucks. But, you will live through it.

    My “glass” was two bottles, and every time led to a blackout, and…well, you know where that goes. It is not a choice anymore, for you, for us; our brains have changed, many different regions, and connections, and chemicals. Every day, every month sober is helping you to reach a point again where you are not the wine, or the hangover; your brain heals, and you see that you didn’t have a choice, but now you do. I think, for me, knowing that while it might not happen, something truly un-take-back-able could happen in my next blackout. You will get better, you will! xx

  11. I’m coming up on 10 months soon and all I can say is that it does get a little easier with each day. Look at the promises of AA, those are the things that sobriety will bring you. Each day I get a little more of each one and my life is so much better for it, mental health aside. I’m praying for you and very happy to have found your blog. Thanks for following.

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