I am going thru the motions.. I have a lot on my plate, and need to acomplish more than my normal day to day.. I understand I am not the only one in this position.. working crazy hours kids and christmas and trying to get your house in order.. sounds selfish and redundant, why would this person want to drink for these reasons??? I am not sure of that, but I do.. I have never had a sober Christmas in the past 15 years.. I Had my first Sober Xmas party last Thursday.. I acted all weird and awkward.. When does this shit stop?? I prayed and struggled the second the wine was corked… I was all sweaty and anxious.. The fuck is that??? I visited and kicked it as soon as I could. Of course husband was in utter shock that I was not plowed when I returned home.. Why can he not see that I am trying to be a sober person??? Maybe because all the fucking up I continue to do, and It is easier for him to see me as his drinking buddy than his sexy sober wife?? We will get to that.. I need to get thru the next two weeks… As much shit as I have to do I will try to do what is necessary..
for now I will not drink.. no drunk wrapping, or santa dutys.. no I am staying sober..