A waste of pure will power…

I am going thru the motions.. I have a lot on my plate, and need to acomplish more than my normal day to day.. I understand I am not the only one in this position.. working crazy hours kids and christmas and trying to get your house in order.. sounds selfish and redundant, why would this person want to drink for these reasons??? I am not sure of that, but I do.. I have never had a sober Christmas in the past 15 years.. I Had my first Sober Xmas party last Thursday.. I acted all weird and awkward.. When does this shit stop?? I prayed and struggled the second the wine was corked… I was all sweaty and anxious.. The fuck is that??? I visited and kicked it as soon as I could. Of course husband was in utter shock that I was not plowed when I returned home.. Why can he not see that I am trying to be a sober person??? Maybe because all the fucking up I continue to do, and It is easier for him to see me as his drinking buddy than his sexy sober wife?? We will get to that.. I need to get thru the next two weeks… As much shit as I have to do I will try to do what is necessary..

for now I will not drink.. no drunk wrapping, or santa dutys.. no I am staying sober..


6 thoughts on “A waste of pure will power…

  1. I keep telling myself, its a moment, the feelings will pass. The more sober days in a row, it gets a little easier. Hang in there, you are doing great. it took my BF a while to see I am serious this time. Your husband will see it too as more times passes! Hugs.

  2. Sorry, I can’t find the blog post to link to now, but Carrie said this to another sober blogger, which I have written down in my Emergencies Little Pink Notebook πŸ™‚ – thanks ladies, hope it’s ok to pass on the following:

    ‘Getting through this holiday season will take you to whole new levels in your recovery and therefore contentment, and it will never be this hard ever again.’ I believe this to be true with my whole heart and mind.

    Keep the faith and hug your kids!

  3. You are headed in the right direction, forward. All the awfulness you feel now will ease after time. A good deal of it becomes how you frame the situation and what feelings you assign to it.
    Through your writing I know that you are a strong woman and have proven so by your actions. Stay strong and true.
    Happy and healthy holidays to you and yours. My best wishes to you.

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