Enough! I want to scream as loud as I can.. I want to go out in the 30 degree below zero daylight and beg for mercy.. I beg for grace, and sobriety and health and happiness and self contentment.. I am scared, worried and sad.. I am so fucking over all of feeling like so.. This has been a vicious cycle and I am done.. I am on day 5 after a major blow and too much wine to speak of.. I am mad my body unconsciously forgets how fucking sick and awful I feel after it all. Who in they’re right mind goes out and drinks after feeling like death?? Uh, hello Lex.. A sick and alcoholic person.. Someone not right in the head.. a person dangling on the edge of reality…. Poof.. I am this person, me, mwa???? really… A drunk?? A binge drinking mom of three who can barely stand to be alone by herself.. yup.. me..
I have suffered long enough.. It is time to make shit happen.. I ma digging deep inside with help of secret therapist and other outside real life human sober people… Today I have decided to shut up and buck up and be ok with being me, imperfect but pretty damn deserving of good things.. I feel a little more at peace than I have for sometime.. It is all about me for a while… All about self care and healing.. I am responsible for all that I have put myself thru, so I will be responsible for righting all my wrongs.. Hugs…Lex