Im looking for clouds of pink.. But see shapes of Gremlins instead…

I am feeling as if staying sober literately sucks the life out of me.. Ok, not in a way that I want to drink.. No! But in a way that I use every ounce of energy to keep my path of sobriety I tend to loose grasp of my day to day.. Does that make sense?? I want nothing more than to wake up each day with bountiful energy and happiness and willingness for what lies ahead, but no.. I am tired and dragging.. I feel gravity has me sucked in tight to the earth and I move ever so slow.. I am using the day or minute at a time think process, so I am hoping I can remove this utter depression and move forward.. I fear Gremlin Wolfie uses this in me to suck me back in to sipping wine from a gigantic goblet..

These are my thoughts.. This is my life.. I am prepared to do What I can to keep on my path.. I want to see clear, and feel healthy and bright.. I have hopes of starting up new adventures and take care of shit.. I have gutted out each and every corner of this house and donated and trashed every ounce of what is not necessary and such. I am taking time for self care.. This is huge for me.. I am a care giver a person who wants each and everyone else to be happy and comfortable and sacrifice my own comfort and happiness for thus.. I am pulling back, I am detaching, I am trying to hold myself up..


11 thoughts on “Im looking for clouds of pink.. But see shapes of Gremlins instead…

  1. Mentally you have to put so much will into fighting off the strong early cravings in the first maybe four to six weeks. That takes it’s toll physically on you. It does pass, hang in there. Don’t do it to yourself over and over. Getting the other side of it really is worth it.

  2. I feel the same way but, as Carrie writes above, I am pretty confident this is because I don’t have enough sobriety time yet (15 days). If 4-6 weeks is what it takes to feel like I am not gasping at times just to make it through five minutes, then so be it.
    Hang in there.
    Joan B.

  3. It takes time to get through the rough patches. It took me a while to feel anything other than a zombie. The more we pass through this, the more light there is at the end of the tunnel.

    Lightness does come.


  4. OMG it does…, I swear I slept all the time. Take care of yourself seriously. I did the bare minimum. Kept busy when I needed too, napped when I could. I didn’t care if the house was dirty… well I did but I let it go. You have to put you first. I was so emotionally and physically tired. I still am at times and its 94 days. Staying sober has to be your number one focus and nothing else honestly. You can do it, I KNOW YOU CAN xoxo

    • Yes.. I have decided the dust bunnies on the hard wood are family members as to not feel so bad about my house;)
      I am focused.. Thank you B for all the love and support..

  5. It totally wipes you out, physically, mentally, emotionally. Early days, you are putting a LOT of energy into resisting the urge to drink, and then, wrangling with the obsession (want, need, feeling like “it” is the fix, feat that nothing else will be “it”). But, it doesn’t last forever, it goes away, and it becomes easier and easier to live and not think about drinking/not drinking all the time. xx

  6. I found your blog this morning. I am also feeling the dark. I was told there would be lows at certain milestones, My therapist pointed out that at two months I was dealing with the physical aspects of addiction and now at six months I am dealing with the emotional junk. Guess that is progress, because honestly at this juncture I have no desire to drink and feel able to work on some of my hard issues and hopefully put them to rest, or at least learn to accept them. Anyway, just wanted to comment and let you know that I get what you are going through. It is a roller coaster, but I know that coming through the lows makes the good days feel so much better, especially if we are able to grow and learn from them, without giving way to the gremlins!

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