Self care, slip ups and slippery tubs..


I slept for 12 hours.

I got up made french press coffee.. My house is tidy and my laundry is going..

 I had a beautiful lunch, a detox soup with veggies and delish broth..

Took a bath at 1 pm.. used to much sugar scrub and slipped and slides in there.. but no matter, I was alone and soaking.

I am on day two, again.. I have to turn everything in my life upside down.. I am prepared.. I need to make sure I am healthy and fit for this little troupe of mine.. I get into old ways of thinking on Saturday nights. No work in am. kids all tucked in and put away for the night.. I deserve a wine or two or bottles.. This is fucked up.. I know it.. But that bitch of a Wolfie takes over and I forget how very far I have come..

You are who you are because you are doing what you are doing..

These words are always floating around in my brain.. So why the fuck can I not sink them into my soul????  Why do I abuse my self in such a way?? I am hurting, I am healing, I am tired, I am giving up,  I am a person, wife mom.. I deserve to be sober and see the sparkly side of life..

I am

good enough, deserving, loved, here..

I am staying here..

xo

Lex

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11 thoughts on “Self care, slip ups and slippery tubs..

  1. Such is the cunning, dangerous, baffling effects of alcohol. I think it is true that those of us who abuse it will always have to be on guard. Always. But I also believe what others write (who have long periods of sobriety) that it does get easier with time, and that we have more and stronger tools to beat back the desire for drinking. So, hang in there. It’s great you wrote and that you were truthful.
    Joan B.

  2. Self care. Self love. Such a journey. Sobriety is just the beginning, and was almost the easiest part for me. I have stayed away from a drink for a little over 7 years, but ask me if I abused something today. Yes. You are in good company. Celebrate the sugar scrub baths sans wine one day at a time. They say the rest will come.

  3. Hang in there! For some of us, it takes repeated attempts to finally make it. I’m only on day 84, and some days are easier than others. But nothing like those first few days when I was a MESS!!!!! Stay here and stay determined. It will come!!! For both of us 🙂

  4. sometimes the greatest and longest journey is from the mind to the heart. Lots of things I know intellectually don’t always register in my spirit until later. Annoying! But once something settles in there…it’s there for a good nestly. The fact that I cannot drink anymore took me a long time to get there.

    And like untamed shrew there, I too have abused something now doubt. Internet? Food? Self pity? Oh dear…

    I am here too if you need 🙂

    Blessings,
    Paul

  5. I’m with you, the same words could have come from me. Many, many ‘do-overs’ after many ‘fuck-it’ nights. Being self aware is part of your success already – not denial. Think about that success! And think of all the days sober – money in the bank – have saved up already. They are not NOTHING! Take care, stay present, keep it going. I am on the same rollercoaster, so let’s get off this sucker and go enjoy the park of life! Ellen

  6. You had me at french press coffee.
    Know that what you stated could not be more true… you are good enough, deserving and loved. Embracing these truths can and will help you to make the decisions you need to make.
    I wish you the best of all you want.
    Much love.

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