I will begin at the beginning.. I have been in a cycle of self destruct.. I have been good, bad and ugly… It is a day to day struggle.. I believe I put so much stress and pressure on myself to be and stay sober, I crack at the first sight of wine, booze what ev… I have a tendency to not even consider saying no.. I just pour.. and drink repeat until I feel like a complete mess and terrible person/mom, I have a day of hell a day of recovery and the next day I feel great and forget what the fuck I stopped drinking for in the first place.. This cycle has been going on for a couple of months and I was having such hard times coming to terms with what the fuck I was going to do.. i need to say no.. I need to be sober.. I want it so bad..
Well Last week I had a weekend with family.. Jolly times, #1’s birthday and lots of excitement, and loads of wine and booze flowing.. Is this normal.. Do other family’s (me, parents, sister, close friends) drink for the sake of any celebration.. And a shit ton???? Well that is what we do.. My closest close ones are all drinkers, partyers, and boozers… I only know a few normies.. Wow, talk about setting myself up for failure… Well the weekend continued, and On top of all the excitement and me hostessing and taking care of children, my home, and working and just straight up burning my candle at both ends, it ended up bad.. I was a mess.. I will spare the details, but Monday morning (kids off for P day) I was a complete disaster.. A place I do not wish my on my worst enemy, nor do I want my children to see me or remember me this way… The day was bad, bad enough for me to say, “LEX IT IS TIME TO FUCKING STOP!”
And I did.. I am on day 5.. no booze.. I stepped into my first AA meeting on Friday and feel hopeful.. I am so ready to do this work, steps, and resorting to completely surrendering.. I have Meetings scattered thru the week, its hard due to me being Monster Mom and working and all, but these are not as important as my sobriety.. I am surrendering..
Hi, Im Lex…. I am an alcoholic..