Hi.. Im Lex, and I’m and Alcoholic…..


I will begin at the beginning.. I have been in a cycle of self destruct.. I have been good, bad and ugly… It is a day to day struggle.. I believe I put so much stress and pressure on myself to be and stay sober, I crack at the first sight of wine, booze what ev… I have a tendency to not even consider saying no.. I just pour.. and drink repeat until I feel like a complete mess and terrible person/mom, I have a day of hell a day of recovery and the next day I feel great and forget what the fuck I stopped drinking for in the first place..  This cycle has been going on for a couple of months and I was having such hard times coming to terms with what the fuck I was going to do.. i need to say no.. I need to be sober.. I want it so bad..

Well Last week I had a weekend with family.. Jolly times, #1’s birthday and lots of excitement, and loads of wine and booze flowing.. Is this normal.. Do other family’s (me, parents, sister, close friends)  drink for the sake of any celebration.. And a shit ton????  Well that is what we do.. My closest close ones are all drinkers, partyers, and boozers… I only know a few normies.. Wow, talk about setting myself up for failure… Well the weekend continued, and On top of all the excitement and me hostessing and taking care of children, my home, and working and just straight up burning my candle at both ends, it ended up bad.. I was a mess.. I will spare the details, but Monday morning (kids off for P day) I was a complete disaster..  A place I do not wish my on my worst enemy, nor do I want my children to see me or remember me this way… The day was bad, bad enough for me to say, “LEX IT IS TIME TO FUCKING STOP!”

And I did.. I am on day 5.. no booze.. I stepped into my first AA meeting on Friday and feel hopeful.. I am so ready to do this work, steps, and resorting to completely surrendering..  I have Meetings scattered thru the week, its hard due to me being Monster Mom and working and all, but these are not as important as my sobriety.. I am surrendering..

Hi, Im Lex…. I am an alcoholic..

xo

xo

xo

 

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23 thoughts on “Hi.. Im Lex, and I’m and Alcoholic…..

  1. I’m so glad you’ve found AA. It’s the last thing I ever expected to like, or work for me, but now I’m 40 days sober after a million day 1s.

    You can do this, you’ve got the determination to start over and that’s the most important thing. Keep blogging, keep going to meetings and we’ll be here for you : ) x x x x x x

  2. HI Lex. My name is Joyce and I’m an alcoholic too. I never thought I’d say those words out loud let alone, publicly. Ever. I did it in my first AA meeting three weeks ago today and I am so glad I did it! I hope it will be the same for you. Congratulations on Day 5.

    Sending you a huge hug! xx

    Joyce

  3. Hi, Lex. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile but haven’t commented before. I’m SO, SO happy for you that you found AA – I’ve been going & working with a sponsor since last April and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I had one slip in September, but recently celebrated 5 months of sobriety. Congratulations – one day at a time!
    K

    • Wow, I’m humbled when people even read my craziness.. I am excited to start this new chapter.. It’s now or now is what I’m talking about.. Sponsorship kinda freaks me out.. One day at a time.. Hugs..xo

  4. Hi lex!!! You got this!!! One day at a time!! I had the same recipe for disaster and now I’m on day 8. The mind is a very powerful thing – I keep Perrier and Pellegrino in the fridge at all times!!! That seems to help me a ton. Maybe find something you can also have on hand?!?!

  5. you can do this! check out other sober bloggers I read: sober courage, infactorium, tired of thinking about drinking, duct tape and bubblegum.

  6. God bless, Lex.

    Thanks for your honesty. One day at a time. Me, too, I’m always starting over. But one day it will click. I know that it will because it feels so much better to be sober, think clearly, be real, doesn’t it?

    You take care!

    PP

  7. Hey, so glad to see you are taking steps to stay sober. A challenging but worthy journey! Just made one year and two months today actually. It’s been a ride. I look forward to reading more of your posts and offering any experience I feel might help. Perhaps you will relate to some of my journey displayed in rhyme. I’m wishing your the best!!!

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