it seems insignificant, but I am going to go with it.. 21 days ago, I woke up in a state that is hard for me to admit.. I was so terribly hungover.. I had to vomit.. I had to be responsible that day.. I had my 3 kids home from school for a holiday and 3 others to come to play so I could help out another mom.. Ok. I choose to remind my self every sober day forward about that morning for now so as to not go back there.. I am not willing to forget, or shut that door because I believe If i do I will loose track of why I am working so fucking hard to stay sober… this is just my before picture… I actually have a pic of myself that day.. my sister came over and thought how funny i was with my hangover and children running a muck in my house.. I am going to keep that as well as a reminder… I am only moving forward.. I will not return to that place…
ok all that being said, I have tests daily.. there is booze in and around me often.. my partner drinks.. my friends and family.. I have to get out and enjoy life and not hide in my bubble.. we went to a bowling ally with the kids and some friends and there was a pitcher of beer there.. I actually poured myself a glass and looked at it for a long hard time.. and I remembered that lady on the couch with a sickness that is so indescribable.. that sad isolated woman.. so I said fuck that and enjoyed each moment of that evening with my kids and my dear friend.. SOBER….
One more thing.. I believe in angels… I believe when we are not looking someone else is and caring for you and your well being.. With that I am grateful.. I have gratitude often these days, and a lot of new (or numbed) feelings that I am feeling.. But feeling gratitude is kinda great.. So to my angels out there I say thank you, and also send you peace and grace….