Who asks shit like that???

Me: I am craving wine tonight.. I feel like shit and am all twitchy and anxious.. I am freaking out…
Him: That really sucks, do you need “Anything?”
Me: No, that’s the point here I don’t want “Anything” because I am trying to not fucking drink..
Him: Oh, I just figured you’d drink once and a while, you’ve done so well.. What about the next two weekends?
Me: Like our murder mystery party, and get away with the girls? I would hope to not drink.. I believe I have a problem here.. Don’t you think a person who never says no and drinks 2-4 bottles of wine in a sitting has some sort of a fucking problem?
Him: Well I don’t think yo have a problem, but if you don’t want to drink like forever I support you?.?.?
Me: I really want to get fucked up, but I quit drinking, got myself into AA, I’m going to bed.. (7pm)
Him: Is it bothering you I’m drinking?
Me: Yes, I am going to bed.. Goodnight!

I suppose because I have been floating around talking a lot about quitting for a long time, and didn’t take any measures to do so could fool a person when I say I want to drink but won’t.. Or, maybe I am crazy and do not express myself as well as I should.. I know I have a different way of communicating, I’m a tad passive, super fucking sarcastic, and a bit wishy washy… Ok that being said, I Amon my own journey and I don’t have to expect anyone to completely understand, right?
So with that fucking day over I will start a new one.. I’ve been up early due to my wheels a turnin and I put in 10 good hours of sleep…
Today I am not going to drink.. Today I am going to feel good about the feat I won last night and I’m not hungover and I will smile and snuggle my kids ever so much tighter because I am here…
I am staying here..

9 thoughts on “Who asks shit like that???

  1. You need full support from everyone around you right now, and I mean full. People who will baby you, encourage you, stand up to your Wolfie voice when you are literally mind-numbed from craving and can’t do it for yourself–you so need that right now. It will get easier to be on your own the longer you’re sober, but there is a reason that none of us went to bars, or hung out with drunk people in the beginning. When I look back, everyone who encouraged me to drink in my later drinking years (the bad years, when I was blacking out and making myself vulnerable) either was insecure, or wanted to use me, or both. There’s no other way to say it, and I haven’t seen any other variation in “pushers” (people who knew I had a problem but pushed anyway). Stay strong, Lex; it is going to be harder without a partner who is not 100% supportive, but that is where the hard part comes in for you, methinks, on more than one level. Right now, just don’t drink. Man, this is key at 3 or 4 weeks–you are just starting to gain ground… HUGE HUGS from over here! Unicorns and glitterballs coming your way! 🙂

    • Loved the glitter balls and unicorns!!! I really did need them.. Ahhh waking up each day less and less clenchy and irritated.. I’m pushing into the 30 zone.. I appreciate any advice you give.. I’m keeping my eye on the prize..

  2. Good Morning.. I found your blog through reading other “sober” blogs and I can totally relate to this post!!! Side Note: I am on day #8 wine free, I have been drinking a bottle of wine (or vodka) 6 days a week for 4-5 years!! It was on a Sunday (when I was hungover and vomiting) that I knew I had enough of feeling like crap everyday. Last night I showed my husband my bracelet I got from Belle and he said “so, you aren’t going to drink on St. Patrick’s Day ?” He continued to tell me that I shouldn’t give it up completely and that he didn’t see a problem. I guess I hid it way too well from him and everyone else. Yes, I do have a problem.. Yes, I think about wine everyday and yes, I can’t ever have one glass of any alcohol because I always want more to get me plastered!!

    I told him that I need to do this for my health and my sanity. He still didn’t understand but I understand why. I hid the bottles, replaced vodka with water until i could throw it away, I drank in “hello kitty” cups to conceal my drinking and i got screw top wine so he wouldn’t hear the electronic opener…. 😦 . I kept my secret from everyone. No one knew, so now they don’t understand…, I will still be sober because I want to feel better in every aspect of my life.

    Hang in there.. We can do this!!!

    • Jennifer! Hello my new sober friend.. I heard yesterday also that people who love us can’t imagine us being hurt or hurting or in such a terrible place we need to take these measures to stop.. I am so proud of you!! And with one day at a time it just gets better.. I’m totally ok with connecting if you want to talk.. Auntie_lex@yahoo.com
      Glad you are here

    • Jennifer:
      It is not easy to say goodbye to my old (but not best) friend, wine, but it is so worth it. Hang in there. My husband, also, use to say he “hoped” I could have wine when we went out to dinner. Once he discovered just how serious my drinking problem was — how it was impacting my health — and how unhappy I was, he stopped saying that. He still drinks in front of me sometimes, but he usually asks if it will bother me.
      You can still have a blast on St. Patrick’s! If you have a glass of something in your hand, no one will even notice you are not drinking alcohol, and think about waking up the next morning hangover- and guilt-free!
      Joan B.

      • Thanks for the encouragement!!!! ;). I plan on drinking sparkling water with lime so it looks fancy!
        I love the “best friend” term. Wine was my go-to therapy! Ha. I now do lemon balm extract in my seltzer at night to curb my anxiety and take the edge off wanting to drink my chard to put me to sleep. 10.4 days sober!!!!!!
        Xoxox sober gals!

  3. Good for you for using the sober tool of sleep.

    I totally understand having a partner not get the whole “I’m not drinking but I want to fucking drink” thing. I pine away for a day when I have a supportive boyfriend who knows how to help. Hopefully, we can teach them.

  4. Thanks for the St. Pattys tip! I plan on drinking seltzer with lime to look fancy! ;). I loved the comment on “best friend” being wine. It was my therapist too! I’ve been doing lemon balm extract in my seltzer at night to take the edge off. My witching hour is 6pm-10pm. It has really helped! Thanks for the enocouragement everyone! 10 days sober! Wooo

  5. Lex, I am so excited for the path you’re on. Thank you for sharing it and staying sober. The “twitchy and anxious” feelings that make me want to drink are always 100% worse the morning after. Knowing that truth helps get me through my shakier moments.

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