Once upon a time there was a woman.. She was a Mother, Wife, Friend, hard worker.. She had a secret.. A Dark and Twisty need to numb out feelings of unhappiness and guilt and self hatred.. She would find her self in a vicious cycle over and over week after week of drinking and than hating herself for it and finding a day or two of “Im never drinking again” and than forgetting and starting over. See this girl made sure no one knew how sick and sad she really was by over doing everything in order to look (or so she thought) normal.. She would have her house in order (thought behind every closet and drawer was absolute chaos) The kids were put together and well taken care of.. (though she really believed that she was the worst mother ever.. ) Her clients and coworkers at work just assumed she was tired and loosing steam because of 3 little ones and not much rest.. Her husband found absolutely nothing wrong with the picture and preferred her a little drunk (she was silly and chatty to start), than depressed and sober.. And depressed she was.. Depressed when sober, when drunk and the next day or two after drinking until she grabbed her icy goblet of wine and started all over.. Now this woman has wished and prayed and pined for a differnt way.. She was the girl everyone came to for advice, and not following her own she stayed in a miserable state.. A repetition of weakness and sadness and hurt and just pushing through.. There were not many moments in the 7 years of her children lives of true and pure peace and enjoyment and freedom.. This makes her sad to write, and admit.. It is hard for her to look in the mirror and say, “you know what?? You are a good person, a loving mother and everything is going to be ok..” She cannot tell anyone about this extreme pain and silent suffering..
Until one day she decides enough is enough.. I am ready to be the woman I deserve to be.. I am ready to be present thru chaos and madness and hilarious times having all these kids and it will be good.. She starts filling up her tool box with Sober tools and friends that are sober… In real life and in her fabulous Sober Cyber Community.. She sees over and over that alcohol surrounds her life in so many ways it almost is laughable.. But She Has HOPE.. Hope that each day she can wake up and say… I DID IT>> I did not drink.. I am here and I am choosing life..
The ending has not been written in this story.. I am sure it is not even a fairy tail.. It is raw real truth this life.. It is up and down and hurty and all things that we hate to feel.. but it is mine.. I am this woman.. I deserve sobriety.. The joke is on everyone else that is around me confused by my choice to go booze free.. For, I am living a dream.. And truly isn’t that what we all strive for??? Even a taste of the dream???
Today my dream is to be sober, and be here for my kids.. Plain and simple..