If It wasn’t in front of My Face I could probably see the Universe Gifts..


I am at day 13.. I am not going to go on and on about relapse.. I am not going to get in to why I drank like an a-hole the one night I went out with my dear friend and couldn’t even drive myself home.. NO  instead I am going to stay in this moment.. I am well rested and finally on the back end of a terrible flu.. Aint it something that when the girl decides to go back on the wagon all illness breaks loose.. Well if it wasn’t a word of wisdom from the Universe… Right, Belle???? OMG I had to take care of me because I am the only one to do so.. I needed to tell my hub that I am going to bed as soon as you arrive in order to resume child rearing tomorrow.. I drank plenty of water and ate healthy soup and fruit and made sure my kids were also fed and semi entertained.. I dropped the frantic housewife act, you know what if you come over and we are living out of baskets of laundry and there is crumbs on my kitchen floor oh, well… I am responsible for my health and my darling daughters…

The lesson…. Oh really Lex, you need another fucking sign from the universe do you.. You need to put your care before all others.. Ha! Genius, no??? Yes I cannot worry about my shit list or work or over the top drinking husband out till god knows when.. NO I have to make sure I am well.. I am so lucky to have these children, they are my light.. they are my angles.. I was blessed directly with there presence..  I do not imagine a life with out them.. they are all three as different from the next and hold qualities that I can only wish to have.. The straight up innocence and desire to learn.. This my friends is my universe.. This in it self should be enough for me to stop the self mutilation.. the self hate.. I need to love me so I can show them that they have the world in the palm of their hands.. They are my HP…. I am going to be sober to see the next tooth fall out or #3 starting school in the fall… This is the summer that MOM stopped drinking for good and took the reings of her life and let the sparks start flying..

I am here..

I was destined for things I have not yet uncovered.. I am worth being sober.. I am worthy of love, light and peace… I owe it to my children to use self care and love and stop any cycle that I can right now.. This is my time.. I can smell it falling with the icy spring rain.. It is time for awakening, for healing for health..

Here is to me and my health, strength and sobriety..

Here is to all who need love strength and support during hard times..

Here is the moment.. Right now..



9 thoughts on “If It wasn’t in front of My Face I could probably see the Universe Gifts..

  1. I loved Belle’s universe comment on the podcast. You’ve got through those horrible first days, you’ll be getting stronger without realising lovely Lex x x x x x x

  2. I totally get that your children are your HP…they certainly are the reflection of God…if I may offer any words that have helped me maintain sobriety for almost 2 yrs. they are these: you have to want sobriety more than you want to drink (the world will always give you many reasons to drink, it’s the reasons you DONT that matter…the things in this life you value, like your children); stay grateful; remind yourself that relapse is not a requirement to achieving sobriety; and putting your sobriety above any and all commitments in your life. it sounds easy. Sobriety is not abstinence. Sobriety is being free and joyful without alcohol. For me. Peace be with you.

  3. hey lovely Lex… sending you a big pan of your favourite soup and will be round in 10 minutes to hoover your floors 🙂 glad you are coming out of the other side of the flu with all guns blazing! P xxx

  4. Excellent idea staying in the present. You can do this. You are worth this. Take care of yourself and keep envisioning all the great things that will be coming for you as you put the drinks away… Wishing you all the best and congrats on day 13…

  5. Good for you!! I’m inspired! I also got sick right after becoming alcohol free again- I got pneumonia for the first time in my life and something tells me it wasn’t a coincidance that it immediately followed 3 consecutive days of heavy drinking! In some ways it was a blessing in disguise: I was forced to stay home and actually care for myself and let others care for my child. And the alcohol wasn’t much of a temptation when feeling that crappy (which I suppose is progress as I used to drink while sick). I also took it as exactly the same sign from the Universe: I HAVE to do more to take care of myself! It is SO hard when you’re a mom, whether you work in the home or out of the home, we are always, always working. I tell myself that I would rather take an hour a day to myself to protect my health and spend 23 quality hours with my family, as opposed to spending 24 hours a day caring for everyone and getting run down. So each time we go for that walk or go to a coffee shop to blog- we are actually doing something for everyone, not just ourselves.

  6. “I am worth being sober”. I love that so much. I’ve never thought of sobriety in that way. So true though. Thanks and keep up the good work.

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