I am at day 13.. I am not going to go on and on about relapse.. I am not going to get in to why I drank like an a-hole the one night I went out with my dear friend and couldn’t even drive myself home.. NO instead I am going to stay in this moment.. I am well rested and finally on the back end of a terrible flu.. Aint it something that when the girl decides to go back on the wagon all illness breaks loose.. Well if it wasn’t a word of wisdom from the Universe… Right, Belle???? OMG I had to take care of me because I am the only one to do so.. I needed to tell my hub that I am going to bed as soon as you arrive in order to resume child rearing tomorrow.. I drank plenty of water and ate healthy soup and fruit and made sure my kids were also fed and semi entertained.. I dropped the frantic housewife act, you know what if you come over and we are living out of baskets of laundry and there is crumbs on my kitchen floor oh, well… I am responsible for my health and my darling daughters…
The lesson…. Oh really Lex, you need another fucking sign from the universe do you.. You need to put your care before all others.. Ha! Genius, no??? Yes I cannot worry about my shit list or work or over the top drinking husband out till god knows when.. NO I have to make sure I am well.. I am so lucky to have these children, they are my light.. they are my angles.. I was blessed directly with there presence.. I do not imagine a life with out them.. they are all three as different from the next and hold qualities that I can only wish to have.. The straight up innocence and desire to learn.. This my friends is my universe.. This in it self should be enough for me to stop the self mutilation.. the self hate.. I need to love me so I can show them that they have the world in the palm of their hands.. They are my HP…. I am going to be sober to see the next tooth fall out or #3 starting school in the fall… This is the summer that MOM stopped drinking for good and took the reings of her life and let the sparks start flying..
I am here..
I was destined for things I have not yet uncovered.. I am worth being sober.. I am worthy of love, light and peace… I owe it to my children to use self care and love and stop any cycle that I can right now.. This is my time.. I can smell it falling with the icy spring rain.. It is time for awakening, for healing for health..
Here is to me and my health, strength and sobriety..
Here is to all who need love strength and support during hard times..
Here is the moment.. Right now..