Mondays are supposed to be Fun Days… Today I am a Mombie…

I am exhausted.. I did drink last night.. And as far as all that goes I am a bit of a mess… #3 and I lazed around all day, and it is usually our day to bust a move and go out and about or find a fun spot to play.. I was frozen today.. with exhaustion.. with fear of self and with anxiety.. I tried to turn off my brain all day, but it is not that easy.. I worry and freak and hate on myself… It goes to show you that sober is better.. when I am sober I do not hate me “as” much.. I just do a little.. there is a meeting tonight and tomo and friday I plan to attend.. I am scared of my self when I drink.. I don’t remember.. I originally drank to “treat” myself after a day of three kids under three and cleaning and nursing and going off to work after..  Now I have three girls under 7 and I just dot have time to feel like this.. I need to make time for myself to “feel”… tonight I am cooking some yummy pork tacos, and hitting my meeting.. and going to bed.. start over tomo..

8 thoughts on “Mondays are supposed to be Fun Days… Today I am a Mombie…

  1. You sound GREAT. This is called, getting sober. You try and try and try (which you are doing, and not giving up, I can see it in your words) until…one day you just get so fucking SICK of being hung over–which equals all those bad feelings (overthinking, anxiety, existential fear, which for me was the worst…nothing in the world “felt” OK). Hang in there, Lex. Keep starting over! (It took me from 2007 to 2012 of trying, btw…)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s