I am exhausted.. I did drink last night.. And as far as all that goes I am a bit of a mess… #3 and I lazed around all day, and it is usually our day to bust a move and go out and about or find a fun spot to play.. I was frozen today.. with exhaustion.. with fear of self and with anxiety.. I tried to turn off my brain all day, but it is not that easy.. I worry and freak and hate on myself… It goes to show you that sober is better.. when I am sober I do not hate me “as” much.. I just do a little.. there is a meeting tonight and tomo and friday I plan to attend.. I am scared of my self when I drink.. I don’t remember.. I originally drank to “treat” myself after a day of three kids under three and cleaning and nursing and going off to work after.. Now I have three girls under 7 and I just dot have time to feel like this.. I need to make time for myself to “feel”… tonight I am cooking some yummy pork tacos, and hitting my meeting.. and going to bed.. start over tomo..