if it were easy it would be done..

I at the second day clear and free of a wobble.. I forgot how completely shitty I feel the week after drinking to excess.. I am an alcoholic.. It is all or nothing.. I am in charge of my destiny not anyone else or the wine.. what I do know is that being sober after 5, 7 or 9 days is like a miracle.. Also what I do know I am able to go thru some serious shit sober and than when I am home and all is said and done its like such a let down… and… you guessed instead of rewarding myself with a pedicure or treat, I drink unconsciously.. Or subconsciously???  regardless I am a drunk when I drink so It is best I don’t.. I am upping the tool box tools to keep up with my sober soul … I know it is hard and I can do hard things.. I am willing and ready..

head down

bubble up


stop the fucking insanity..

time for kids and summer fun and baking and crafting and rewarding myself for all the hard shit I do..

I wonder if I sound like a lame ass broken record.. I am scared to look back at posts previous.. I am sure it is a surreal experiment..



10 thoughts on “if it were easy it would be done..

  1. a;; upi cam dp is keep coming back. i too am struggling. go a week, 10 days and then drink again. it is indeed insanity. but at least we keep coming back and trying, trying, trying. i am not going to give up. so dont beat yourself up and remain positive and remember that you cannot change the past….


  2. You don’t sound like a broken record. I recently have gone through some pretty lousy family issues sober and find myself wanting to drink really badly right now, in the aftermath. Hang in there and keep starting over. I think most people on this path have achieved success because of or in spite of many start overs.

  3. the alternative is to quit quitting….no light at the end of that tunnel….go Lex….you can do this…just for today

  4. hi I keep trying too. So many day ones. Don’t give up. Start again. It’s all practice. My thoughts are with you. We’re all behind you!

    • I am so exhausted… I just want the insanity to stop.. my husband literately just told me I do not have a problem.. He said I make this up when I am hungover.. I hate this all..

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