the bug…


I have had this song in my head for days… Silly little country song I know, but alas my life could be a silly little country song.. Today I feel like the bug.. Yesterday I was the windshield.. such a confusing bla of a mess..  I have the strength to say LEX here Alcoholic I cannot drink, and BAM total defeat and starting all over once again.. There will be some changes coming soon.. I have tried my hand in AA, Books, reaching out over and over again to sober sisters and still the Bug in my Brain forgets that Me+Booze=mess….  I ugh I feel like a failure today.. but I think in a few hours I will have forgotten about feeling like a failure and continue with my merry day.. 

I will not be drinking today.. for this I know…

xo

Lex

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8 thoughts on “the bug…

  1. That was one of my favorite albums a long time ago. Hmmm if you have the album, listen to “passionate kisses,having a pen tha twon’t run out of ink, having cool and quiet time to think..shouldn’t I have this?

    You can do this Lex, no matter how many times you start over. I checked into your blog after hearing a clip of you from Belle. We started sobriety at about the same time. And started again and again I guess.
    You can do this. We can do this!
    PP

    • I Know I love that album… I am no longer going to be discouraged when I fuck it up.. I am hoping to no longer fuck it up, but If I do head up Ill try harder next time.. thank you for the kind wise words..

  2. Hi there
    I read some of your blog. It is so familiar. Binge drinking, regrets and shame, abstaining and swearing to never drink again, followed by binge drinking Thursday or Friday. Mostly with my dear drinking pal husband.
    I looked ok from the outside. I have a great job, good kids, I’m fit.
    But that sould crushing knowledge that life is just going by and I’m missing it, and the self loathing that came with that were too much to bear.
    It’s been 7 months. I love myself, my family, my life. You just need to get away from the Wolfe voice long enough to stop listening!
    You can do it!

    • It’s amazing and scary and meraculous and cunning how normal this all becomes. . I’m like you your like me we take care of shit we bathe our children hold jobs and maintain an outer sense of pride.. when normal, my normal glass or two or three bottles are are not fucking normal.. I am proud of you and greatly inspired and find your your normal my passion.. love and hugs
      .

  3. Wolfie convinces us that drinking is the way—with little to no thought on our part. Wolfie has something to say, but doesn’t know how to say it, so it convinces us to drink instead. Then we don’t have to feel it. Wolfie convinces us that feeling “it” will kill us and so we take the drink. Letting Wolfie speak was the best thing I ever did. The only two rules were 1) when Wolfie was done speaking I let Love speak too. And 2) Wolfie never got the last word in the conversation.

    ps …. I’m not drinking today either. xox Lisa

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