I’m full of shit, how are you?


I am realizing that being full of shit keeps me full of shit… duh.  I can no go on any longer with the slightest inclination to drink.. i cannot handle it.. i hate myself while and after it. . Anyway,  I am on a trip with my family visiting my sister and her family. . Well she has been a drinking buddy my whole lufe, but two days ago I saw something in her that scared Me and saw my reflection in her sad drunk face…  i won’t go in to it too much, but seeing her this way, drinking one after another and pretending to act normal seriously hit me hard. ..
I tried talking to sister about drinking and she was super uncomfortable.  Like defensive and mad so I stepped back. . My problem is mine.. but seeing her that wasted really had me stop in my tracks. …
I am no sure about all that aa stuff. .. being powerless and surrender and being so terribly flawed and diseased…  but what I am sure of is drinking makes me unhappy,  extremely uncomfortable in my own skin, filled with terror and anxiety… i am sad and hurting without tge 2 or 3 bottles if wine, so I’m from here on out day by day minute by minute will give myself a gift of 100 days sobriety,  and go from there. .. what could happen?  Hmm me feel healthy and clear headded strong stable and ready for anything? ,Now this my dear sober cyber world is what I’m ready for. .
Here is to day 2…
Love
Lex

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3 thoughts on “I’m full of shit, how are you?

  1. You really can’t know how the AA stuff fits for you until you go.
    Those 12 steps have been adopted by many groups. There must be some merit!
    And meeting people who truly understand the fear and doubt and compulsion and self depreciation helps. You are not alone. There are lots of others just like you and they want to help. Hope things are going well.
    Anne

  2. This blog is EXACTLY how I feel about drinking! I am also a bit leery of AA. I thought I could do this all on my own, but I got to 67 days and fell off. Now I’m back at Day 7 and decided I must need more support. I’m trying to keep an open mind towards AA…and plan to go to a meeting this weekend. There will always be bad apples in the bunch, but I’m going to try to look past that and grasp the message. Keep in touch and if you decided to try a meeting, please let us know how it goes!

    • I’ve been doing meetings more and more. . I find Womens meetings are easier on me.. finding real live people just like me is truly helping and a gift.. keep searching your journey is yours and yours alone. . Well wishes girl..

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