Day 21.. I’m thrilled.. Lots of money and calories and headaches saved.. No mo anxiety attacks shutting me down completely.. I stand taller, do my hair add mascara and gloss and smile thru the day.. It’s really real folks.. I don’t want to give this up.. This is a gift for me, I have been here before, but with out newfound grace and gusto.. I am cringing as I type this.. I am terrified.. I am lonely and sad… But the truth is I am sober.. I did this. Me, and my bravery in finding the place to be with others just like me and be honest.. Show up. Fighting, running sweating…
I live in a vortex.. Two worlds. Or three or 4.. Crashing together under my cozy roof with my 3 lovelies tucked in they’re beds.. I am sober mama.. Punching fighting.. Doing the next right thing.. The stuff that I am doing goes against the grain of my family, friends and partner in life my hub.. Drinking and masking and hiding from the fact that I am cleaning house.. It scares the shit out of me.. Making changes, changing everything.. Doing my thing, not doing things for everyone..
Off to sleep.. Sleeping has been missed greatly..


11 thoughts on “21

  1. whoop for day 21 and lipglossed smiles. so happy for you, Lex! and what you are doing is real and true and valuable. you are making a little circle of real for you and your lovelies to live. and you can make your circle bigger as you get stronger. and then you will take over the world – honest Injun. not even fucking kidding. love to you! xx

  2. Wow, this made me happy! I hear what you’re saying about your struggle to be ‘clean’ being at odds with your world. But, do it anyway! Dare to break free. You and your three beauties can stay in a lovely, safe cocoon, even if what surrounds that is a whirlwind. Because adding to the whirlwind only makes it bigger and diminishes your spirit. Keep going Lex. You’ve got yourself some momentum going there! Xxx

  3. Congrats on Day 21!! I noticed I spend more time on my appearance in the mornings too – dress a bit nicer, do my hair a bit fancier and put more thought into everything. Glad it’s not just me!! You’re doing really well and you deserve all the good that comes with it πŸ™‚

  4. Terrified, sad, lonely, thrilled…yep I totally get that 100%! We are a work in progress, and that progress is a path pitted with some bumps – no, GIANT PITS, and pretty fucking amazing moments of joy and happy. Guess we trudge on and all hold hands. Thanks for sharing!! I love your posts.

  5. Your an inspiration. I know too the cycle of stopping and starting. Drinking and seeing the truth that I cannot handle it, and then falling back into my bottle. I hope you keep posting because sharing your story is helpful to me, and to others. Keep going. We can all do this! Be the mama’s we know we can be. Love life to the fullest, and remember every second of it. Good and not so good. Blessings πŸ™‚

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