It has been 2 weeks since you have had your last drink.. You drank way too much wine and added vodka and a few pain pills to the mix.. You were hurting so fucking badly you could not take it any longer and stood your ground and asked husband to take you to the intake evaluation of the hospital so you could finally get help.. This led you to daily partial inpatient Rehab for your addiction to booze and the slow decent to being addicted to pain meds.. This has scared the fucking fuck out of you and therefore you are happy to put your life on hold to accomplish this new found way to your journey.. At this point dear Lex, you are finding that it is finally ok to let yourself take care of you even though the family is a bit in chaos, your not working and you are still scared.. You are doing this for you and only you first!! I need you not to forget that.. I also need you not to forget what has been happening to you as of late when you are drinking.. You are causing self harm.. You are waking up feeling like the world is going to end or waking up with a bloody lip and a bruised body and can not remember why.. This is your disease friend… This is what happens when the fun is over.. This is what has happend to you when the 20 some odd years of you drinking has now turned into a full blown addiction.. This is your truth dear heart… It does not define you.. It does not make you a terrible person, mother or wife.. NO!!!!!!! It will make you stronger… You are finding out exactly what you are made of and If I do say so myself you are made of: Strength, honer, gratitude, love, power and so so so much more..
It’s just that you have given up on dreams and ideas and your mind has become ill.. It’s hard coming back from this alone dear Lex… Than adding Percocet and vodka to your “wine” problem, that is what could kill you.. You see you have started to go to the other side of the addiction mountain.. You were loosing contact with your true inner self, and your spirit.. This is what makes you. Your spirit and your true beliefs and dreams are you, the addiction is your illness… You have a hole in your soul.. The hole once was a little speck, and this was years ago.. This became a dark lonely place that you were unable to fill (or so you thought) unless you had that drink to look forward to and define you.. Lex you are worth this journey.. You have potential to do the things that your God wanted for you.. You have the power.. Remember you are no longer in this alone, you are a mother and wife and daughter and friend and worthy person… This is a gift.. You deserve gifts! Sobriety and life are yours…