Hey me, meet Me


Funny, I seem to only blog when I am looking for answers.. When I am looking for peace, sobriety.. I am not sure what I am doing. I need sleep.. I need sunshine.. I need a fucking vacation… I need to feel loved.. Maybe I want these things what I truly need Is the key to my sobriety. What the fuck is holding me from it?
Things I have in order.
Sponsor who loves me no matter what..
Great therapist.
People in the program that I can call anytime.
Sober cyber support.
Every freaking sobriety book from AA to Zen..
Family who supports me (though very awkwardly)
A list of meds that are supposed to help with, cravings, anxiety, depression..

Am I over thinking everything? Maybe it shouldn’t be so fucking hard and I’m over doing every thing.. Today I am sober. Today I am taking it very easy on myself. I believe this is an illness I have and if it were anyone else I’d say, “love yourself today.. Hydrate, recover, rest” so that’s that for now.
Xo
Lex

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3 thoughts on “Hey me, meet Me

  1. Yeah, sometimes it is hard to work things out. Specifically with addiction because it takes time to separate the ‘addict within’ from the part you want to keep. I’ve learned through the time (hear hear, only 8 months) that we tend to follow a path we somehow think is best for us. We want to save ourselves from hurt. So when I’m berating myself over doing something I somehow think that with the self loathing and dislike I am better of than without. It’s funny, and the thought in itself takes some getting used to. But it does explain behaviour that we might otherwise not understand. For me it gave an entrance in figure out some of the ‘why?’ I had when it came to addiction.

    Hope it helps,
    xx, Feeling

  2. It feels so f**ing hard because it is so f**ing hard. Feeling the hardness helps. Feel it. Okay, for now I will continue to read, as I see more posts ahead. (But I am catching up) :0

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