You need to wake up daily and remember you are loved.. You are a worthy person who deserves love and kindness.. You actually shine.. Times are super tough for you right now and this shall pass.. So please be kind to yourself. The love you need and deserve right now is self love and acceptance.. The fact that you are an alcoholic does not define you.. You happen to have a serious illness that must be treated and you have the power in your capable hands to do so.. Do not Give UP!!! Give your self a fucking break.. You work hard and have 3 beautiful children and a lovely little cottage you call home and people that think the world of you.. These are things to hold near and appreciate.. Though this does not define you either.. What does you ask, dear Lex??? The fact that you are a fighter and a lover and smart and beautiful and kind and creative and damn good at your craft and a living breathing woman.. These are all things that just start to hit the definition of you.. You have so much more than this.. There are things that have yet to be uncovered because you have been numb and slightly drunk for a couple decades.. It is ok.. There is still time for you.. You are on a precious path to uncovering the definition of you… Doesn’t this excite you??? You should be proud of yourself for showing up and giving your heart and soul kick this things ass.. You should be proud that you are doing something that others cant find the strength to do, or end up waiting until it is to late or become very ill or god for bid in jail.. Do not let this frighten you.. Let this give you the power to continue on this path.. Let the hole in your soul fill up with knowledge and spirit and grace and gifts from HP or other alcoholics or books or stories anything you can find to nourish your soul.. You need to nourish your mind, soul and body.. These things you have done at a minimal for some time.. You are such a giving soul.. You give your all to your family and your husband, the children that depend on you and your people at your work.. They may or may not see it our appreciate it, and this is OK… You now have permission to step back from this and take care of you like you would a 4 year old child.. I know that when you were small something clicked in your head that you had to take care of others.. This is an amazing gift yet it has held you back dear sweet Lex.. From Loving and nurturing yourself.. Somewhere along the way you were not taught that you have to do this for yourself.. Do not blame anyone.. Not yourself or your parents.. It is what it is and that is OK.. But sweet wonderful you, it is time to relearn.. Do not let it be daunting.. Do not be scared.. You do not need to drink because it does not suit you any longer.. It works at that hole in the soul a little more each time you do.. Do you see???? Can you believe me?? Can you trust the process??? I know you can.. You are strong.. You are ready now..
My darling Lex.. This is your time.. It is going to be glorious.. You will fulfill dreams you have not even imagined.. Your daughters will look at you with eyes of wonder and pride.. This is the time..
I love you and cherish you and hope you nothing but well wonderful peaceful moments.. Do not forget to rest and feed yourself.. Do not feel bad if you have to say no, or go home early or give yourself a moment..
You deserve the world and the time is now..