I am finding that the struggle with drinking continues.. I am completely full of shit and with out reason or purpose this weekend did a bit of a binge.. My husband bought his best pal Vodka back and Ive been twitching and achy for days with it in the cabinet.. I was on my way with AA.. Using my sponsor, hitting appropriate amounts of meetings, checking in with real live sober friends.. Reading, praying, meditation.. And here I sit on day once again.. Back to the square of the fucking root of the center of my problem.. I want to love myself enough to say enough is fucking enough.. I have love in my life.. Very blessed with children, family, and friends who all love me.. I love them unequivocally.. Id give my heart and soul for my husband to end his suffering.. Id shave my head for my children to be happy forever..
I want to have “IT” the glimmer in my eye, the dust removed from my brain.. The simple fact is, Do Not Drink. Call before you pick up.. Keep the plug in the jug. Be fucking accountable, and get it together..
I have had glimpses into my future, whereas before I did not even believe I could find a new path.. I have been looking for a balance, peace, inner strength for so long to surface.. The key is in my hands..