I don’t even miss it, seriously.. I have lived that life for so fucking long.. I hate it, and I do not say that lightly.. I hate that I no matter how badly I want a simply sober life, I get sucked back.. I hate what booze does to me and my family and 76% of the great state I live in.. I hate that it has always been so acceptable in my home growing up, the city I live in and that met my husband at a bar where I was fucked up.. I hate that I can stop over and over again because I feel so right when I’m sober.. And pick up as soon as I forget.. I feel like reality isn’t that bad, and yet here I am on fucking day 2 again.. I hate the person it makes me, all sick and exhausted and riddled with anxiety and bull shit self hate..
I love that not drinking is an actual option. I love that I know that the shit deal I am sometimes handed will be ok as long as I hit the pillow sober..