The weekend was not as easy as I wished.. It’s ok to be let down.. Nasty arguments with husband… Feels so fucking yucky.. You know feeling that with out the booze dulling the edges.. But alas, I pushed thru.. Also his drinking, I have been here since forever.. It’s just everything is so loud and bright and obnoxious.. I went to church was all about the “Inferno” inside.. I’ll spare all details, but not an hour after that I had a full out breakdown/outburst/explosion at my father in law.. I was somehow past my tipping point and acted WAY out of character and yelled/cried and stormed out like a freaking maniac.. In front of kids, step children and other random InLaws.. I feel spent and confused and head in the clouds dizzy.. I’m not drunk though.. I’m not sitting alone hiding behind a random cocktail that means nothing to me … I’m sharing into the sober cyber wonderland and going to bed.. I’m not giving up.. I cannot wait for tomorrow..