Rough and stuff… Day 11


The weekend was not as easy as I wished.. It’s ok to be let down..  Nasty arguments with husband… Feels so fucking yucky.. You know feeling that with out the booze dulling the edges.. But alas, I pushed thru.. Also his drinking, I have been here since forever.. It’s just everything is so loud and bright and obnoxious..  I went to church was all about the “Inferno” inside.. I’ll spare all details, but not an hour after that I had a full out breakdown/outburst/explosion at my father in law.. I was somehow past my tipping point and acted WAY out of character and yelled/cried and stormed out like a freaking maniac.. In front of kids, step children and other random InLaws.. I feel spent and confused and head in the clouds dizzy.. I’m not drunk though.. I’m not sitting alone hiding behind a random cocktail that means nothing to me … I’m sharing into the sober cyber wonderland and going to bed.. I’m not giving up.. I cannot wait for tomorrow..  

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12 thoughts on “Rough and stuff… Day 11

  1. Like noddysober said, it’s a horrible, emotional rollercoaster, but it does end. You won’t be going through loops for ever. And I agree with others that when terrible days and nights like yours happen, sleep is usually the answer. Hope this week is better for you.

  2. Ugghh~ sorry that had to happen and you had to experience that. I so understand~ I’ve been there. It’s so easy to drink to dull the issues or circumstances around you~ but that isn’t the answer. If anything, your baby girls that you love and so proud of need you. They need you sober and present. The last 18 months my teens have gone thru so much and if I was numb and not present-~ they would of went thru these trying times alone. I have thanked God on many occasions for helping me be sober so I can be there for them. You can’t do this alone~ you are surrounded by drinkers. You have to put your sobriety first- sponsor & meetings. I think you need real life support and daily~ and I think even Alanon would be helpful too. I know that’s a lot with little ones and your work schedule but if something ever happens to you- who will be there for the girls? This disease kills~ I never realized that until I got sober- it’s scary as hell.

    xoxo

  3. You aren’t alone!!! I’m on day freaking one again, and am so proud to hear that after all that crazy emotion you stayed sober!!! I’m an emotional mess and have been known to lose my shit on occasion. It’s never pretty and I feel terrible afterwards and beat myself up over it. Drinking is imperative to drown out the horrible abuse I heap onto myself for not being perfect! Nobody is perfect. Hang in there sister!!!! You give me hope!

  4. Hey girl how are you? I’m on day 2. It’s kinda cliche to start on New Year’s Day, but what the hell!!! I hope you and your precious family are well.

    • I am also on day 2.. What’s your plan? I’m regrouping and getting into. Sober bubble.. I have no time to waste.. Email me whenever.. Things have been a crazy whirlwind for me.. Xo

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