Future Lex, or not.. 


I’ll start by saying I’m on day 2.  Im not going to sit in the depths of guilt and shame.. I’m taking it minute by minute and treating myself kindly..  The build up of relapse or slip or whatever you want to call it started somewhere mid a 30 day sober stint and exploded in my face.. It’s like the amount of real world shit going on under my roof becomes so hard to bare and of course sober feelings feel real stingy, you know?  Well I’ll call my self on that bullshit.. The reality is it’s completely mandatory I continue in my sobriety path in order for answers to lots of unknowns to come to the surface… Yes I have a unwell husband who’s also an alcoholic.. I’m the prime caregiver and parent and housekeeper and have my career.  These are realities… Facts.. Also facts, I cannot drink.. No not one not a bottle nope nothing.. It’s better that way.. Ok. 

Yesterday I reached out to a woman I met last February in treatment… We had the same sobriety date.. February 19th..  We came from completely different walks, but hit it off immediately.. She rightly so pulled away after I relapsed after 50 days.. Anyhow….. I wanted to congratulate her.. She who upon arriving to rehab hit her rock bottom after having a heart attack due to her drinking.. She had lost her marriage, her home, her teenage children refusing to acknowledge her.. She saw in me a young mother trying to get sober like she had years prior when her kids were little and after like 10 years the drink got ahold of her once more… She hurt so badly for me because she knows exactly what will happen if I continue drinking.. Is this confusing?  Belle always says Everything = Everything.. She is I me if I do not stop.. And I refuse to loose anything I so gratefully have now.. My babies, my family, my home.. Alone drinking till heart attack.. 

Well, I feel so grateful she called and invited me to a meeting on Wednesday evenings.. I know I need this piece of the puzzle.. I had conferences for the gals last night so I made a promise to her and I I’ll be there seven days sober next Wednesday.. 

Xoxxox

Lex

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7 thoughts on “Future Lex, or not.. 

  1. You’re doing great. Celebrate your two days and keep reaching out…I’m very glad to read your words.

  2. I’m glad you’re back on track. I’m so sorry that your husband is unwell! That has to be extremely hard on you caring for everyone and working. Give it a couple weeks and you will start feeling and sleeping better. You’ll have more energy for you beautiful girls and hubby!!! Also, remember (I have to remind myself of this all the time) everything doesn’t have to be done perfectly! It doesn’t matter if the house is clean or all the laundry is folded and put away. Supper can be cereal and that’s ok. Hang in there! Your blog helps me so much,so please keep writing!

  3. Wow! I so hear you. Your honesty is going to go a long way in helping you to maintain your sobriety.
    A sober life demands a lot of work from us; and it is so worth it. I wish you continued success.
    Finally, writing has helped me one day at a time to maintain all of the gains I have made in the program.
    All the best
    Moshe

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