I am not special. But I do deserve straight up sober happiness.. I deserve to take care of me, love me.. I do not need to loose myself any longer.. Not for other humans nor for the booze …
I had convinced myself that I cannot get thru this family crisis bullshit drinking wine.. Wine makes me nuts.. Booze also makes me weird and sad and scary and straight up a shell of a person.. So I drank vodka.. So,desperate and sad and alone and not any more special or sad or tragic than anyone else..
I need to shut the fuck up and get thru tomo again without drinking.
Today my last day one.. My bottom is feeling like if I don’t stop the cycle the days sober And then a night black out weirdo alone in the dark drinking it’s going to get worse and more frequent..
Do,you believe this is a disease that wants us dead?
Or am I just drinking to die or feel dead?
With all I have to live for I choose life..
I’m terrified somehow..