I got traction.. Sober traction that is..


Obviously my anxiety has decreased, my sweaty face and pits are gone..  I no longer feel like I am going to actually die… All good reasons to continue my path.. I’m doing this for me. A lifestyle overhaul that has been in the making for 3 years (as long as I have been trying so hard to quit).. I’m proud of myself. I also have been able to say no a lot.. 

Husband still drinks. I woke up at 330 with Fox News blaring and him coughing up a lung or whatever that was.. I came out to the living room to him passed out, lights on, tv crazy loud.. Threw a blanket on him. Shut everything down and took a step back..

What if…

My girls came to him in the night and saw such a non receptive fright… 

     I was in that situation and my girls needed me.. Fucking terrifying…

He stops breathing.   *He has been dealing with a serious chronic illness for 1.4 years and in the last two weeks took himself off all life longevity (terrible awful poison but medically needed) medications.. 

Z   I could have stopped breathing many times.. Jesus, I cannot go back, but I can live on that sad version of myself.

I could go on.. I was frozen watching him.  Crying hot, sad tears… I felt a surge of energy, or spirit.. I cried for him and his disease and his alcoholism.. I cried for me and my struggly fight.. I cried for my daughters and they’re future and present emotional household.. I cried..

I woke up feeling refreshed.. I feel like decisions will be easier today.. Called a lovely sober temp sponsor type.. I’m on the up n up.. Slow and steady…

Xo

Lex

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7 thoughts on “I got traction.. Sober traction that is..

  1. You got this! It’s these moments that take the cravings away, or at least, put them on a level where you can deal. Because: you cannot go back. I was just thinking the other day how crazy it is that I actually DID wake up most of the time. I mean, seriously. Keep going; it just gets better and more and more clarity, and tears, but tears of good truth. It never stops getting better…

  2. That is tough. I was lucky my wife wasn’t much of a drinker and less of one since I stopped – she supported me easily for her and for me.

    Keep going – and good luck for you getting through successfully

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