I’ve forgotten over time..


Over years and years of conditioning, I somehow taught myself to walk around without breathing.  

Ive held my breath so long because;

I am astonished at others behavior.

I am overwhelmed with confusion or biting my tongue.

I cannot believe what I’ve just done. Or you or HIM…. 

I am trapped inside my mind, my marriage, my addiction…

I cannot imagine I’m worthy of Oxygen.

I may smell like wine, or weed or vodka.

I can barely move.

I am unsure of who I am, how I got here or where to go next..

I hate them.

I hate me.

I honestly don’t want to be with people..

I cannot believe this…

So many more 

Now it’s different.. that was before..  before I actually took a hard look at myself and my addiction and realized it’s me. All me. Old conditioned pathways and neurotransmitters and behavior.

I couldn’t breathe because I was not alive and living life.. I couldn’t stand who I was .. I didn’t see that I had to just love me and the rest will or won’t work out.. I’m learning slowly but surely to take long soulful breaths… Love me a little more each day.. Let that shit go and let HP take care of the rest.. zero fucks

P.s. I got a tat to remind myself often…

Xo

Lex

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11 thoughts on “I’ve forgotten over time..

  1. That’s is a nice tatoo reminder, breath, I actually can relate to all that you said in this piece.
    By the way, after you breath can I take you home and make you some dinner? wink wink

  2. Feeling unworthy and actually existing as unworthy are two completely different things. Self depreciation is a form of self torture. Half a year sober and clean, is, in our opinion, worth A LOT!

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