Over years and years of conditioning, I somehow taught myself to walk around without breathing.
Ive held my breath so long because;
I am astonished at others behavior.
I am overwhelmed with confusion or biting my tongue.
I cannot believe what I’ve just done. Or you or HIM….
I am trapped inside my mind, my marriage, my addiction…
I cannot imagine I’m worthy of Oxygen.
I may smell like wine, or weed or vodka.
I can barely move.
I am unsure of who I am, how I got here or where to go next..
I hate them.
I hate me.
I honestly don’t want to be with people..
I cannot believe this…
So many more
Now it’s different.. that was before.. before I actually took a hard look at myself and my addiction and realized it’s me. All me. Old conditioned pathways and neurotransmitters and behavior.
I couldn’t breathe because I was not alive and living life.. I couldn’t stand who I was .. I didn’t see that I had to just love me and the rest will or won’t work out.. I’m learning slowly but surely to take long soulful breaths… Love me a little more each day.. Let that shit go and let HP take care of the rest.. zero fucks