Ants 🐜 in my pants..  177 AF dayz 


So here in the midwestern state I live the weather is so unpredictable and the winter has been long and grey.. Today is the first time I can remember warm sunshine and green things popping up everywhere. I woke up too early, made coffee, made the kids clean there rooms, made breakfast and made myself go to a meeting…  The good definitely outweighs the bad here, but I’m fuckimg antsy..  I was just walking around the yard and the sight of an old bottle top had me drooling for Carona.  I decided on more coffee instead and a cig and a bit of writing.. I was so overwhelmed with the thought of breaking my sober spell I had to stop in my tracks..  It is a for sure reminder that I am freshly sober and need to still make sure I’m doing what is righ in front of me..  No more no less.. 

I am so grateful for this new way of thinking that tears came to my eyes..

I’m so grateful I went to the meeting and plugged into the power of other sober sisters..

I’m so grateful for the Midwest sunshine and my lilac buds..

I’m so grateful I can be antsy and be gentle with myself all at once..

I’m so grateful I don’t need to drink today…

Xo

Lex

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10 thoughts on “Ants 🐜 in my pants..  177 AF dayz 

  1. I told ya. Sobriety is a sneak, sneaky b**ch. When you start feeling better from our experience, that’s when you really have to be careful. The happy overtakes the history.

  2. i want to be where you are.
    also, it’s wrong how full of temptation this world is. i mean, for people who are getting over a heroin addiction, we all know the last thing they need is to see a freaking heroin advertisement on the telly!
    but with us alcoholics it’s different. commercials left and right, your bottle cap, bars everywhere, beer sold in every gas station. ugh! sorry to vent here.
    you’re strong and you have my admiration.

    • No apologies needed… I love feedback from a fellow alchie… it’s taken me many many years and I need to keep in mind I’m only one drink away from starting all over again…

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