The good news is I accept that bitch of a voice.


It’s been about 6 months since my last drink. Maybe a month since my last puff or pill.. My mind feels clear, my skin as well.. My sweating problem actually was a booze problem and early sober cofffee never gets old.. My daughters are all beautiful and behaving with respect and contentment.. I’m present I’m mindful and everything is just so… Simple..  

I still have this whisper way back in my mind.. And today it’s quiet.. But still here.. It tells me I’m a fake and I should run.. It tells me how unhappy I am in my relationship and to run..  It says that I’m a messy awkward disaster and a toke or a sip may be able to take the edge off.. It tells me that feelings are to loud and bright and awful and numb is so very much easier.. It reminds me of the pain and the bullshit I have put up with for many years and I should fight and be a bitch and control with my mind, or will.. 

Ha. I acknowledge this voice.. I accept hat it may come and go.. But not for a second will I submit to it.. 

I will work on me, do me.. I will use self care and love and acceptance of what is before me.. I will not forget what has gotten me here.. I have every intention of working and trusting this process.. I have a story that is mine and mine alone..  I have an unwritten ending now.. I do not need to obsess or wallow.. I am allowed to be and let the light guide me…

Xo

Lex

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3 thoughts on “The good news is I accept that bitch of a voice.

  1. Yay another milestone-Myself still craves, my voice knows that substance use isn’t an option so it prods toward other things, so it does continue even after 18+ years it is easier to watch it pass by like a cloud though

  2. I have thought about the voice a lot. Here’s where I am…
    I consider it my inner child looking for attention. She doesn’t really want me to drink (or starve myself or other self destructive things). She just wants love and compassion and attention.
    To tell myself I’m ok. Just as I am.

    For me this works. I can’t hate part of myself…so I must see it as a cry for self care. It usually appears when I’m in HALT. Especially hungry.

    Hugs. You are doing great.

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