Only eye know. 



I am allowed to say I am an alcoholic and addict in recovery. You cannot tell me nor can you tell me I’m not. I’m struggling with boozy family members who cannot look me in the eye or talk about my sobriety path.  Their words are judgmental and hurtful and boggles my mind. I have been an addict/alcoholic for 20 plus years. My sisters covered up for my drunken black outs as a kid. My parents have seen the worst and cleaned up after my horrendous behavior as a child thru my 20s and onto my 30s.  

I’m in recovery.

It’s my story.

I’ll be light and polite.

Xo

Lex

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17 thoughts on “Only eye know. 

  1. I like everything but the last line, I’ll be light and polite. You be you and that is the best. Be direct and get out whatever you need to get out. Sometimes authenticity is harder to take but it’s more true to you than anything else!

  2. When you come out to family and friends you used to drink with it’s going to be awkward especially if they are still drinking like that. This shines a light on their addiction. I protected my addiction to my own detriment because I was so deeply in denial. You know the truth, and you do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

  3. Sorry for you. I was incredibly lucky my family have been fully accepting and supportive of my recovery journey but I know plenty who’ve suffered like you are. I hope it does resolve satisfactorily for you.

    The biggest problem I had was with some friends. One in particular, he’d been a sort of drinking buddy. He looked up to me as a person and a professional I believe back in the day. He’d seen me descending. He’d become a more regularly partner in my drinking escapades, firstly as he was going through a divorce but also “to keep an eye on you” as he said. Then I got sober and the last thing I could do we be with him in that context anymore. He couldn’t get it sadly. He kept thinking I was destroying our friendship where I thought I was trying to preserve it. Whatever, it ended up thrashed sadly.

    • That is hard.. I made the decision to remove myself from all drinking buddy situations and that seemed to go smoothly and my normie friends are greatly supportive.. My family though, has had a deer in the headlights type reaction.. !y closest sister who lives near by (and a long time drinking buddy who’s babysat me numerous times) is first to tell me how weird I am for hanging out with old drunk men at AA meetings and I look like shit half the time.. My dad has no words for me and my mom thinks I’m 14 again and sneaking around smoking joints or something.
      I will continue to live my amends and do what is right for me and accept them all the way hey do, but it’s hard no joke..
      sobriety has opened my eyes to the reality of relationships and my part in it all as well..
      carrying on dear warrior…
      Xo

      • I’d drunk pretty much all my drinking life – I started in there at 16 – had a break from about 22 to 27 when working in London but then drank in there most days from 27 to 41. That’s a lot of time. When I had my last drink in there I never went back. About 5 months later one guy from the pub called around to see if I was ok. Just one… says a lot. If I miss two AA meetings in a row I have a dozen calls to see if I’m ok now.

        Keep walking your path – hopefully they’ll accept it. My wife never has “got” the AA thing but she accepts it has worked for me in the end she lives with that.

  4. Beware. Those that know your drinking the best want you to remain drunk. When you recover, they must recover or they won’t be in your life long. Those around us that enjoy the old, drunken and useless old selves as their own personal measuring sticks don’t want to watch you supercede them. It’s what keeps them up at night. Your recovery, while they are still in the pit you are climbing out of will supercede their opinions of the drunk you used to be as opposed to the independent in recovery that you are now.

    Beware of them. They want you fail. Don’t give it to them.

    Nice post by the way.

  5. We think this is poignant “Their words are judgmental and hurtful and boggles my mind.” . You’re drying out. Look at HOW crazy and out of control people can get. You’re starting to see the prison bars for what they are. Keep it up, we know you can do it!

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