I’m a sober mommy.. What? 


Some thoughts today as I sit having a quiet sunshiny cup of coffee..    Sure, I had incredible postpartum with baby #1 and used the mommy treat tactic of gobbling up glass after glass of wine as soon as baby was fed and sleeping peacefully.. Yes I amped up my disease following each birth of the next two incredibly close births of my beautiful daughters.. Absolutely as they grew and life got real and I became more and more unsettled and overwhelmed, and the “treat” became A dependence..  Instead of ruminate in the shithole years I missed trying to escape the pain and fear of motherhood with drinking, and using I am feeling quite at peace..  It happened.  It’s all part of my story.  The reality now is, I cannot make up those past 9 years of mommyhood, or 20 some odd years of partygirlhood, but I can accept it.. Accept it all for what it was and what it’s shaped me into..  

Perfection was the goal after bringing that first pink bundle of joy home all those years ago.   I compared, loathed and medicated myself.. My marriage suffered my relationships my self esteem.. I blacked out, got hurt, hurt others, missed out and skipped out on life.. I know TODAY I don’t have to do that anymore.. I get to feel the feels, laugh genuinely, be present and recover.. I am here to just. Be. Me. Show these girls what life can be and what it doesn’t have to be for them..  I am allowed to cry and hurt and feel.. It seriously feels like I’m growing up right beside these precious little ladies and experience life.. 

Happy Mother’s Day Sober Lex.. Happy Mother’s Day to you and yours.. Hold on to life a little tighter, experience the sweet spots of reality.. Simply be today.. 

xo

Lex

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20 thoughts on “I’m a sober mommy.. What? 

  1. I hear your words of confession, honesty, acceptance, peace and gratitude. This is an absolutely perfect post and a great way to live our lives today. Thank you and Happy Mother’s Day.

  2. I just discovered your blog and absolutely loved this post, it resonated so much with me as I am a mom of three boys and have been struggling with the feelings of regret and shame from my drinking but thank God that I quit when I did. Looking forward to reading more from you!

    • Nice to meet you E. yes it’s like I carry on feeling so good about my new path, and bam shame. Regret. Embarrassment. Today I’m feeling quite well. How are you?

  3. I didn’t know you are a mommy, so happy mothers day to you, a bit late I know, and now you can enjoy your precious little monsters…… all kids are little monsters really.
    I have a friend that actually calls one of his sons the Jihad kid. And in my opinion that kid is not a Jihadist, he is worst than those. First thing he does is kick you in the…..you know were. Pure evil.
    Happy mommy’s day to you and hope you can now enjoy the kids.

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