A couple of things on these couple of weeks…

Waking up each morning these 2 weeks has been an awakening (ha quite literally), a new chapter of the new me emerging… I’m not hung, I don’t need 2 hrs to get my shit together to start moving around.. Giving my kids bowls of dry cereal in front of the tv and laying in my self pity shitty fog… I’m clear headed.. I’ve been getting up (for the past few days) before the house does and taking a walk/run early with the birdies and before the heat and humidity of day… I’m organized for what ever the day takes me.. I have peace in knowing I don’t have to make up for my last nights drinking and passing out with major house work and above and beyond behavior because of my guilt and hangover… What a fucking ride.. Each day.. Never giving myself a break and once the fog passes and I have all my ducks in a row, and kids situated and fed, right back at it… Just one glass of wine to take the edge off… No actually to be fucking honest with my self 1 big ass bottle of wine for my self to numb the world out.. Really accomplishing nothing… Sitting around on FB or playing some stupid game faking a good time with my husband… Having “real” conversations over too many cigarettes and laughing and flirting, cause in my sober world this shit does not happen… This was not me… It was a Bad Fairytail version of me… A mask to cover the hurt and resentment and it was easier for me to be happy go lucky numb fat icy pinogrisio in hand mom/wife than the. Real. Me.
Anxious
Slightly shy and depressed
Lonesome for a healthy marriage
Trying to be the best mom I can be with 3 gals under 6 household everything all on me and working part time
Waiting for the happiness and peace to arrive
ME

2 thoughts on “A couple of things on these couple of weeks…

  1. Welcome to the real party. 😉 Not always (or often) rainbows & unicorns, but it gets easier with practice. I’m glad to see you doing what you need to, for YOU. You deserve a good life. Sobriety is so worth it.

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